D A N G I T B I L L !

This is lesson 3 in a series of online journal posts on my journey through the workbook Helping Others Change.  I plan to post my answers to questions at the end of each chapter, hoping that the process of being open to my own struggles living for Christ will provide encouragement to others on the same journey.  Each post in this series will begin with the Big Question from the lesson, and list the key Concepts along with the Personal and Relational applications.  After these will be my journal entries answering the questions as honestly as possible.

Lesson 1 Questions and Answers

Lesson 2 Questions and Answers

Lesson 3 Questions and Answers

The Big Question: As you deal with your daily situations and relationships, what things tend to control your heart?

Concepts:

1. What a person does and says is not caused by the people and situations around him.
2. A person’s behavior is always controlled by the desires that rule his heart.
3. We have been united with Christ and indwelt by the Holy Spirit so that we can say “no” to the passions and desires of the sinful nature.

Personal Application:

1. When attempting to understand my emotions, words and actions, I must always examine my own heart.
2. I must learn to ask myself what emotions and desires control me in the various relationshps and situations of daily life.
3. I must learn to affirm my identity in Christ and rely on the indwelling Holy Spirit as I seek to serve others in love.

Relational Application:

1. I must not blame people or circumstances for my emotions, words, and actions.
2. I must always remember that the desires that rule my heart will shape the way I relate to the people in my life.  I must constantly ask myself if those relationships are characterized by demanding or serving.
3. I must be committted to helping people remember who they are in Christ as they struggle with temptations to indulge the sinful nature.

Journal Questions:

1.  Study the following passages to see how Jesus looked beyond external behavior to the heart.

Passage.  Situation.  What Jesus discerned about the heart
Mt 8:23-27.  Disciples in boat with Jesus.  Lack of trust

The disciples were afraid of the great storm in which their boat was being swamped.  Jesus recognized that their problem was not fear of the storm, but rather a lack of faith (trust) in the power and protection of God.

Mt 12:38-39.  Pharisees request a sign.  Rebellion, unbelief

The scribes and Pharisees requested a sign from Jesus, presumably to confirm Jesus’ teaching as coming from God.  But Jesus discerned that they could not be convinced by a sign because their heart problem was one of rebellion and unbelief.

Mt 16:21-23.  Peter rejects the idea that Jesus will suffer.  Spiritual pride

Peter’s behavior seemed to suggest his desire to protect Jesus from harm, but Jesus knew otherwise.  Peter’s problem was deeper.  His heart was full of spiritual pride because he felt that suffering was beneath his Lord, and therefore beneath him as the Lord’s disciple.

Mt 22:15-22.  Pharisees try to trap Jesus.  Desire to publicly expose Jesus as a fraud

In this episode, the narrator tips the reader off to the Pharisees malicious motives, although their question seems sincere and respectful.  In reality it was flattery because they were plotting to entangle Jesus in his words so that he would either offend and alienate the Jews or the Roman authorities.  Jesus knew their malice and topped their craftiness in response, steering through the dilemma.

Mk 7:1-23.  Pharisees and “unclean” hands.  Legalism, blindness to the heart

The Pharisee doctrine of Corban sounded and appeared spiritual in that it declared pledged funds as gifts to God subsequently off-limits for use in helping needy family members.  While the concept of Corban seemed to protect the honor of the pledged money, in reality the Pharisees legalistically enforced it this manmade principle although it explicitly transgressed the fifth commandment.  Jesus pointed this out, and also rebuked the Pharisees because they knew better.

Mk 10:17-23.  Rich young man.  Self-righteousness, love of things

Few pastors would answer such a query from a rich young man today.  We would immediately identify him as a sincere “seeker” and get him signed up for the next church membership class, all with a smile and visions of him giving a public testimony from the pulpit in 3 months.  Perhaps he could be a candidate to lead the Men’s Bible Study group, and maybe be the next elder if we really strike gold!  But Jesus did none of this, yet demonstrated true wisdom.  He discerned the rich young man’s heart, which was prideful, self-righteous, and covetous.  Jesus listed off 5 of the last 6 commandments, but indiscreetly skipped over the last one, thereby pricking the conscience of the young man at his particular idol: money.

Lk 9:46-48.  Dispute over who is greatest.  Pride, idolatry of position

Who is actually the greatest disciple?  Peter, the rock?  James or John, one of the sons of thunder?  Matthew, the author of the gospel?  Jesus didn’t say, but he did answer their question because he discerned their hearts, which revealed pride of position and idolatry of power.

Lk 10:38-42.  Mary and Martha.  Self-righteousness, judgmental spirit

Was Martha’s problem that her sister Mary wasn’t helping her in the kitchen?  Or was Martha’s problem even that she chose to serve rather than learn at the feet of Jesus while he was a guest in her home?  Her problem was deeper and rooted in “heart trouble.”  Jesus said she was anxious and troubled about many things.

Lk 15:1-2, 11-32.  Parable of the Lost Son.  Self-rightesouness, pride, lack of mercy

The Pharisees seemed to be concerned with the perceived holiness and righteousness of the Jewish religious establishment that Jesus’ company was threatening.  But Jesus exposed their heart issues by telling the parable of the lost son, which in the end identified the Pharisees as self-righteous, prideful, unmerciful to repentant sinners, and unconcerned with wayward sinners returning to God along any path not sanctioned by them.

Jn 4:1-26.  Woman at the well.  Spiritual thirst, deceit, spiritual blindness

Jesus discerned the true heart issues of the woman at the well.  She was thirsty for water, but was really thristy for water that would not leave her thirsty again.  She was spiritually thirsty.  He also uncovered her deceit and her questions meant to obscure her heart issues.  Jesus also diagnosed her spiritual blindness and pointed her toward himself as the source of living water and eternal life.  Jesus was the answer to her questions, although at first she didn’t understand.

Jn 6:1-14, 25-58.  Feeding of the 5000.  Spiritual blindness, materialism

Was Jesus speaking in opaque terms, or were the disciples spiritually blind to what Jesus was trying to teach about himself?  Probably a little of both, although the disciples should have recognized that Jesus was the true bread of life, the ultimate manna that was symbolized by the manna from heaven during the exodus years.  The crowds and disciples were materialistic.  The crowds followed Jesus for the free lunch (much like church-hoppers who move from congregation to congragation looking for what will “feed” them).  The disciples were materialistic in the sense that they were thinking only in material terms (money and food) when Jesus was speaking about spiritual truths.  Jesus knew their struggles and heart issues, and worked toward addressing them.

Jn 8:1-11.  Woman caught in adultery.  Self-righteousness, lack of mercy

Was the woman “caught” in adultery, or entrapped so as to create a trap for Jesus?  If the woman was caught, where was her partner in crime?  Perhaps she had been seduced by one of those who stood condemning her?  Jesus recognized that the scribes and Pharisees were setting a trap, and that they cared nothing for the guilty woman.  He exposed their self-righteousness and lack of mercy toward her.  They didn’t really care about the sanctity of the Law of Moses, they just hated Jesus and his Father, and Jesus knew it.

Jn 13:1-17.  Jesus washes disciples’ feet.  Pride

Peter didn’t want Jesus to wash his feet, and his relunctance appeared to stem from respect for Jesus.  But the Lord saw the heart of Peter, which was still full of the same kind of pride that Jesus had confronted at Caesarea Philipi.

Jn 21:15-19.  Jesus reinstates Peter.  Guilt, shame

Peter had denied Jesus 3 times, and Jesus reinstated him 3 times, thus restoring him completely.  But this episode was not merely a formality.  Jesus understood that Peter was surely struggling with guilt and shame over his precipitous collapse of faith.

2. Examine your heart in the light of these passages.  If Christ were talking to you, what would he seek to expose?  Where is he calling you to fundamental heart change?  Pray about these things.

Jesus is the spiritual surgeon par excellence.  I imagine that if he were talking to me, he could expose any of the sins listed above (to a greater or lesser degree at certain times in my life).  Being a person drawn to the contemplative, religious life, Jesus would probably use an encounter with me to expose my self-righteousness and pride.  These seem to be some of the greatest “occupational hazards” of those who devote their lives to ministy in the church.  Also, Jesus would surely address a lack of mercy on my part and judgmental spirit.  I often struggle with thoughts that attempt to explain away or dismiss a person’s suffering, attributing it to either a self-inflicted predicament or a hoax to prey on the generous.  Lord help me!  Being an American also certainly puts me at risk of materialistic sins, both in my heart and manifested in practice.  Our society is sooo materialistic that most of the time I don’t even realize that I’m influenced in this way.  It is so easy to redefine wants as needs, and to excuse extravagent spending on myself (or my family) when so many of God’s children are truly in need, especially in poverty-stricken countries.  Lord help me!  Perhaps the fundamental heart change Christ is calling me to is to die to myself and my desires in order to serve him and his people.  This is the most selfless, yet most difficult, thing to do.  And it certainly will require the rest of my life to die to sin and live unto righteousness.

This is lesson 2 in a series of online journal posts on my journey through the workbook Helping Others Change.  I plan to post my answers to questions at the end of each chapter, hoping that the process of being open to my own struggles living for Christ will provide encouragement to others on the same journey.  Each post in this series will begin with the Big Question from the lesson, and list the key Concepts along with the Personal and Relational applications.  After these will be my journal entries answering the questions as honestly as possible.

Lesson 1 Questions and Answers

 The Big Question: What is your biggest problem?

Concepts:

1. The heart is active.  It controls our behavior.
2. Whatever rules the heart exercises inescapable influence over life and behavior.  Your heart is always ruled by something.
3. God’s Word alone is able to expose and judge the heart.

Personal Application:

1. If I am committed to personal change and growth, I must be committed to a biblical examination of my heart.
2. In the situations and relationships of my everyday life I must constantly ask, “What is really ruling my heart?”
3. I must always study the Word of God with an eye toward my heart, always asking what the passage reveals about my thoughts and motives.  (What is really ruling me?)

Relational Application:

1. As I minister to others, I want to be an instrument of heart change.
2. Heart change is always the result of the careful ministry of God’s Word to a particular person in a specific situation.
3. I must not attempt to manipulate or control the behavior of others.  I must leave room for God to work lasting change in their hearts.

Journal Questions:

1. How will the truths of this lesson shape your prayers about ministry opportunities?

So often, even when I don’t realize it, I find myself praying that God would change so-and-so’s behavior.  “God, please make this person STOP IT!”  Now, those are not the words that I pray, and I don’t normally pray this kind of prayer in a fit of frustration, but when I stop to ponder what the root of my prayers for others (even those genuinely well-intentioned for the good of the other person), I’m praying for the effects of a sinful heart to cease.  After reading this lesson, I’ve become more aware that what I should be praying for is that God would address my (and others) root problem, which is not behavioral, but is attitudinal, and rooted in a heart corrupted by sin through and through.

Recently the Lord has brought two young men to me for a discipling relationship.  I’m committed to discussing life with them, and also praying for and with them.  I suspect that my words to them (and to God on their behalf) will be more consciously aimed at heart-change rather than action-change.  And this is how it should be.  Hopefully this study will continue to train me to properly recognize and address the heart of my and others issues—the heart.

2. Give some examples (good and bad) of your heart overflowing in your words and deeds.  What kind of fruit stapling have you tried?  When have you seen real change?

There is nothing like having a roommate that will bring forth words and deeds from your heart.  And there is no other roommate as intimate as your spouse (at least this is how it’s supposed to be!).  Being married provides experiences every day to show forth what is in my heart.  Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised and what bubbles up.  Other times I’m ashamed of the muck down there in the sinner who is me. Something that always turns up the heat on my stove is the general cleanliness and orderliness of our home.  We have 4 little kids as well, and they rarely turn down the heat on this issue.  Sometimes when I come home from work our home is a total mess, but I’ve had a pleasant drive home, or things went well at work, or I listened to a stirring sermon recently.  When these are the ingredients I bring home, there is rarely a problem.  I will come in the door and be ready to relieve my wife from a hard day’s work.  I’ll take one or two of the kids and help straighten up the mess.  But other times, when I’ve been agitated for some reason (and frequently I don’t recognize that I’m in an aggravated mood), I’ll come inside and the mess will set me off.  My words and deeds toward my family don’t turn out to be a gracious stew, but a burned-up, smoky mess.  Same external circumstances, but wildly divergent reactions.  One stew is tasty for the family, the other is bitter and baits them into sending back the soup!

I’ve noticed how I can affect the mood of our household (by the way my wife is much better at this than I am) by my response to messes.  Sometimes I’ll go through a little mental ritual when walking from my car to the front door, telling myself to leave all my frustration outside, and to change my attitude on the inside.  It sounds nice, but is really just my version of Serenity Now!  Paul Tripp calls this kind of forced external change “fruit stapling” as in stapling good fruit to a bad tree to fix the problem of rotten fruit.  But for me it only works if I address my heart attitudes and thoughts, repent of my anger and frustration at whatever I’m upset about (this part is really hard when I’m still stewing because I know I’m right!), and pray that God would forgive me for wanting to dump my bad day on my family.  So I’ve seen first-hand in my own experience how “fruit stapling” doesn’t work although I slip into that trap all the time, and how addressing my heart in repentance and faith to God (and applying the gospel over and over again to my sin) really does make a world of difference.  Problem is I’m still a sinner, so although I know what I ought to do, I do not do it (Rom 7:15).

3. What are some idols and treasures that challenge the Lord for control of your heart?  How have they shaped your interpretations of certain events and relationships in your life?

In essence idolatry is a sinner refusing to honor God as Lord, and to exchange God with something we can control to that we are lord of our own lives.  Theologian John Frame summarizes the Lordship attributes as (1) control, (2) authority, and (3) presence.  All idolatry can be categorized as sins in one or more of these areas.  For example, the Bible says that greed is idolatry (Col 3:5).  This implies that a person who is driven by greed wants something only for himself, and will not share it with anyone else.  A greedy person desires control of the object of lust, wants to be recognized as its rightful authoritative owner so as not to share it, and must have the object to serve present needs.  One idol which I constantly must smash at the foot of the cross is the maintenance of an orderly environment.  This idol can manifest itself in the control of order in a messy room (as previously discussed), control of finances and income, control of my schedule or work and recreation, and even control of people to maintain control of the kingdom of Brian.  It stings a little to admit this, but more often than I’d care to admit I have to exhale, ask God to take the reigns of control over whatever I’m holding to with my steel grip, and humble myself before others by admitting that I need forgiveness.  It’s (almost) always liberating to recognize God as Lord rather than pretend I can do the job, but even when it doesn’t feel good, I believe that God is good.

Another idol I’ve noticed is my desire to be funny, which I think is rooted in another idol—the desire to be well-liked.  This one is dangerous too because my humor can cross the line of crudeness or coarseness and become sin.  Inappropriate humor has the potential to hurt others and is always offense to God, who would never have us cause others to stumble or fall.  These idols challenge the Lord for control of my heart.  Admittedly they are poor substitutes, but at C.S. Lewis aptly observed, we are prone to be content with making mud-pies when we are missing out on a holiday at the sea.  My idolatry is such foolishness.  Deliver me Lord from myself!

These idols have shaped my interpretations of life events and relationships by revealing what I value.  Do I value the Presbyterian and Reformed distinctions of the Christian faith because they are true, good, and beautiful?  Or rather because they are decent and orderly, contrasted with the unpredictable, mysterious ways the Spirit of God so often chooses to advance his Kingdom?  Do I want to be a pastor and shepherd of God’s people so I can maintain some control of the kingdom of Brian, or am I content with being a laborer in God’s Kingdom, entering into the disorder and chaos of sinners’ lives to be an agent of justice, mercy, and gospel-driven humility?  Do I use humor and a veneer of what can be a winsome personality to reflect the goodness and kindness of the Savior who loves his people enough to enter into humanity, or to I abuse such gifts to win friends and influence people for my own selfish ends?  Should I avoid preaching on certain controversial biblical themes and texts, or refrain from pointed application that God’s people (including myself) need to hear as a prophetic word from the Lord?  Or should I preach smooth words to maintain the external appearance of the “peace and purity” of the church?  I am well aware of many of the pitfalls of pastoral ministry.  Again, deliver me Lord from myself!

4. How can God use the things he has taught you in this lesson to enable you to help someone else?

It occurs to me that the most important way God can use these insights (see the CPR section above) is to give me a humble heart willing to diagnose, admit, and repent of my own heart-idols, and be willing to share these common struggles with others so as to related them to their personal struggles and sins of heart-idolatry.  I would be much more open to listening to and taking the advice of another believer if he explained and demonstrated how he also struggled and dealt with his own idolatry sins of the heart.  I listen to the loving diagnosis and correction of my wife because I know she loves me, has my best interests in mind, and I know she knows that she is at root no better.  We all struggle with sin because of our sinful hearts.  Thanks be to God for giving Jesus Christ his Son, who alone struggled and conquered sin without succumbing to it, and thereby delivering us from ourselves!

5. Write your best definition of what it means to function as one of God’s instruments of change in the life of another.

To function as one of God’s instruments of change in the life of another means that I help identify heart-level problems in others, convince them of their need for heart-level change, relate to them through shared heart-level struggles, and point them to Christ the sin-forgiver, heart-changer and life-redeemer.

My wife and I are beginning a study with the leaders at our church.  The study is a workbook called Helping Others Change which condenses the material contained in Paul Tripp’s book Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands.  The premise of the study is that Christian counseling needs to be done first and foremost in the life of the church, between believers in the context of everyday life.

I thought it would be helpful to begin a series of online journal posts on our journey through the workbook.  I plan to post my answers to questions at the end of each chapter, hoping that the process of being open to my own struggles living for Christ will provide encouragement to others on the same journey.  Each post in this series will begin with the Big Question from the lesson, and list the key Concepts along with the Personal and Relational applications.  After these will be my journal entries answering the questions as honestly as possible.

The Big Question: Why do you need help?

Concepts:

1. To be human is to need help outside of myself.
2. Influence always carries a moral agenda.
3. Everyone suffers from some degree of spiritual blindness.

Personal Application:

1. I need to receive truth outside of myself to make sense out of life.
2. I need to humbly examine why I do and say the things I do.
3. I need to recognize sin’s deceitfulness and commit myself to being approachable.

Relational Application:

1. I need to learn how to be one of God’s instruments of change in the lives of others.
2. I need to saturate myself with Scripture so that my interpretations and counsel to others are based on God’s Word.
3. I need to recognize how I am influencing others in the relationships and situations of daily life.

Journal Questions:

1. How will the truths of this lesson shape your prayers about ministry opportunities?

First, I will probably be more deliberate in praying that I may all people who come across my path, instead of only those who “need help.”  This is after realizing that everyday “counseling” happens all the time in daily conversations, and godly advice, encouragement, and instruction is of necessity moral in nature.  Since we are all fallen creatures in need of change—change into the image of God—I need to pray that I would always be ministering to those around me in a God-honoring way, always remembering that I am in desperate need of change as well.

Second, seeing myself as a co-sinner with those I minister to, I will probably more consciously pray for God to soften my heart so I may be open to heart-change via God’s Word and via others ministering to me.

Third, I will be more aware now of the heart issues behind my thought, speech, and behavioral sins.  By praying and meditating on the sin in my heart, I pray I’ll be able to more effectively minister to others as they struggle with their besetting sins.

2. Tell about a time in your life when you responded not to the facts of a situation, but to your interpretation of the facts.  Did you realize it at the time?

A situation that frequently comes to mind is my college freshman English class experience.  For some reason, I thought that the study of English in a secular university environment meant that my Christian faith and convictions were certainly going to be personally assaulted.  Perhaps the source of this was from some teachings in my high school youth group, or maybe the experience of having my testimony mocked at work after returning from an overseas mission trip the previous summer.  Whatever the case, my guard was up the first day of English class and I was certain to “take a stand for truth.”  That day when the professor read aloud a poem and didn’t skip over an “f-bomb,” my suspicions were confirmed.  So I made up my mind to not let this godless environment corrupt me.  Throughout the semester I made a general ass of myself by being belligerent and refusing to acknowledge that my professor, my classmates, or the course material had anything to teach me about the world, myself, or even literature.  I used the occasion of my final exam to write a thinly veiled fictional account of how I had listened to my professor and she had in turn molded me in the Antichrist!  Looking back on it now, I can see that she was just trying to get me to open my mind to literature (and the world) to honestly and critically engage it.  She would probably fall out of her seat to read how I interpreted the facts at the time, and that now I can see what actually happened and was actually said through a different (yet still Christian) lens.

3. Describe a time when the Lord used a person or the Word of God to reveal your spiritual blindness.  What did you learn about your need for such help?  If you were helped by a person, what did he or she do to make it a positive or negative experience?

I can recall several times when a friend or my pastor used the Word of God to reveal my own spiritual blindness.  One time in particular, shortly after I had heard that a fellow believer was struggling with thoughts of despair and had attempted suicide over the previous weekend, I spoke sincerely about my belief that such things happened when Christians didn’t yield themselves to the Holy Spirit’s power, and that the power of the Holy Spirit (as taught in charismatic circles) was available to solve this kind of despair.  I’m sure that I was a sort of “loose cannon” with this insensitive and erroneous theology (who isn’t when they are 18?), but this latest outburst on my part needed to be addressed by my pastor.  So he invited me over to his apartment to have a chat and ask me a few questions.  I prepared for a debate by reading all the relevant notes in my charismatic Bible, readying myself to instruct him.  Well, he was very gracious and kind, and pointed me away from my study Bible notes and began to ask me questions about what certain texts mean.  His follow-on questions and gracious demeanor both disarmed me and began to reveal to me my spiritual blindness.  I can point to that experience as the beginning of God working humility into my heart in terms of my understanding of the Scriptures.  I realized that I was not only spiritually blind to much of what the Word of God actually teaches, but that I was also spiritually blind to the needs and hurts of my brothers and sisters in Christ.  Since then I’ve tried to make an effort to listen more to what others are saying, and to put myself in their shoes before offering advice.  This experience was in some ways painful, because I realized there was a log in my eye compared to the splinters I was trying to extract from others.  But in other ways it was liberating for me, because I realized that God works in all of God’s people, and through the power of his Word to lovingly correct us, including an insensitive know-it-all like me!

4. What things keep you from being approachable (being helped)?  What things keep you from reaching out (helping)?  Ask the Lord to help you in these areas and repent where appropriate.

There are many things that keep me from being approachable (being helped), unfortunately I am probably blind to most of them.  With that caveat, the things that come to mind are first of all my pride, especially my perception that of all people I don’t need to be helped by you.  Sometimes my busy schedule prevents others from helping me.  People tend to think that sometimes I don’t have time to listen to their concerns about me, or that if they did get a hearing with me I would be so preoccupied with my “to-do” list that I would be incapable of hearing what they have to say.  I’m also pretty good at hiding the fact that I’m a little hard on one of my children, perhaps because we are so alike in personality which tends to create a contest of wills and wits.  My wife has to frequently remind me to give extra grace to the children I’m the most hard on, but because I can speak in theological language my tendency is to explain why she is wrong, or to offer an excuse for my behavior.  On my better days, I hear her rebukes and repent to her and my children.  God is good and is still working on me.

Things that keep me from reaching out to people include my busy schedule of things to do, but even more so a fear of offending a neighbor or not respecting a person’s right to disagree.  I really must get over the notion that ministry is not merely words, but is also deeds done in love and compassion for the sake of Christ.  Someone once said that people won’t care that you know until they know that you care.  Also, sometimes the commitment to helping someone long-term prevents me (or at least gives me pause) from reaching out to offer help to others.  This is not usually the case in my immediate family, but outside of my wife and children I am hesitant to offer help for fear of taking time away from my family.  Furthermore, there is still fear in my heart when I’m presented with the opportunity to minister to an unbeliever.  It is the shame and reproach of Christ, and the lost of my appearance as a “normal” person instead of a “religious zealot” that sometimes prevents me from reaching out to offer support, help, and prayer.  All of these I do repent of, and need my Christian brothers and sisters to encourage me to rely on the strength of Christ and not consider my reputation something to be guarded if it means Christ will be hidden or marginalized.